In this interview, I’m talking with Wendy Cole, a transgender transition coach and she has a lot of advice on how to deal with life transitions.Wendy shares her advice on how to deal with transitions in life, from the small (like moving apartments) to the big (like life-altering surgery). If you’re feeling lost or overwhelmed by life transitions, this video is for you!
In this interview, we cover some of of the following topics:
- Wendy’s 80% Rule:
- Transitioning: It’s More Than Just Changing From Someone You Weren’t
- The Spectrum of the Transgender Community
- Transgender is Not a Gender Identity
- How Accepting Pronouns Is the Easy Part for Friends & Family
- Advice for Parents of Transgender Children
- Coming out Stories & Why They Are Important to Share
*Some of the links found here are affiliate links: As an Associate I earn from qualifying purchases by way of commission at no additional cost to you. See full disclaimer here:
Table of Contents
BIO: Wendy Cole
As a Transition Mentor, Wendy Cole helps her clients face significant life changes. Since 2017, Wendy has guided others through transition. Her life experiences are the tools she uses. She believes in the mind’s powers; she practices mindfulness, shifting her beliefs and energy to support herself going forward, making profound changes in her life, health, and finding joy in being.
Knowing who you are and not BEING who you are: this is the starting point of every Transitional situation. Taking that first transitional step is TERRIFYING. The physical transition is the easiest part. Making the mental transition is tough.
Knowing from childhood she was a girl, Wendy yielded to familial and societal expectations to fit in.At age 67, Wendy changed her life with her transition. Beginning in January 2015 she focused internally: accepting who she really was, confronting fears, doubts, and anxieties that held her back for decades. She took the leap of faith to find freedom and joy in being herself. By July 2015, Wendy was living as a woman. She had her long-awaited surgery at NYU Medical in 2017. Wendy knows by focusing inwardly to find freedom and joy will benefit the rest of your life.
https://MeetWendyCole.com
Learn More About Wendy Cole and How To Navigate Transition.
CONTACT AND SOCIALS:
- -Website: https://MeetWendyCole.com
- -Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/wendycolegtm
- -Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/wcole212
- -LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wendy-cole-gtm
Watch The Interview
If you liked this episode, be sure to check out my full playlist of interviews here: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLnPL9gahfhWatKmy2YSyU0jt20h_jrj3H
Listen To The Interview
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Want to learn more? Check out my top picks for books on self-improvement and recovery HERE!
It is my mission to equip you with valuable and effective coping skills and clinical interventions, to improve your mood, be more productive and improve your quality of life, so you can do more, and worry less.
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WHERE TO FIND MENTAL HEALTH HELP:
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Transcript:
04:55.777 –> 04:57.718
Life is messy, am I right?
04:58.098 –> 05:02.680
Well, if there’s any guarantees that we have, it’s that life is going to be full of change.
05:03.080 –> 05:08.903
Life change, life transition, these things are hard to cope with at any point in our lives.
05:09.283 –> 05:10.644
Some are more difficult than others.
05:11.124 –> 05:19.288
But one thing is for sure, the more guidance we have in how to navigate life transitions, the better we can cope and hit the ground running.
05:19.748 –> 05:46.673
So I’m excited to have with us today a special guest, Wendy Cole, who is a transition coach, and she will be sharing with us some salient tips on how to navigate life changes and transitions and some very concrete advice around transgender transitions as she went through transgender surgery herself at the age of 67 and has dedicated her career to helping others navigate the transition as well.
05:47.114 –> 05:49.354
And she’ll be sharing with us some specific tips
05:50.034 –> 05:52.955
on how to parent transgender children.
05:53.576 –> 06:07.662
She’ll educate us on the transgender spectrum within the community and some basic tips for how to navigate the status of transgender and some of the hurdles that that population faces.
06:08.102 –> 06:11.143
So without further ado, let’s meet Wendy.
06:16.343 –> 06:20.725
Hello, Wendy, and thank you for making time today to be on the mental health toolbox podcast.
06:20.805 –> 06:24.486
Really appreciate you checking in to share your words of wisdom.
06:25.607 –> 06:26.447
Thank you, Patrick.
06:26.627 –> 06:27.828
I’m so happy to be here.
06:29.108 –> 06:29.829
Thank you so much.
06:30.489 –> 06:38.232
So maybe you could start us off by sharing a little bit about what got you into this work as a transition coach.
06:38.552 –> 06:42.194
And what maybe would be the definition of a transition coach?
06:42.234 –> 06:42.994
Like what does that entail?
06:45.093 –> 06:51.235
I got into this when I began my own transition, January of 2015.
06:51.695 –> 07:05.499
I had been in a very dark place late fall of 2014, discovered that my diagnosis had changed in 2012.
07:06.899 –> 07:13.381
I was no longer considered a psychological condition with no treatment, no cure.
07:14.765 –> 07:18.770
And all the history that went with that from the bad old century.
07:20.152 –> 07:29.243
And, uh, um, I, I was totally in to doing what I needed to do my entire life.
07:30.104 –> 07:30.604
Scared.
07:30.624 –> 07:32.827
I can imagine.
07:33.832 –> 07:43.759
Uh, it’s, it’s terrifying when you first think about it because it’s, uh, um, it’s probably one of the more profound life changes you can go through.
07:43.880 –> 07:50.965
You’re changing your entire, um, physical world as well as your mental world.
07:52.586 –> 07:59.991
And that was the first thing I came to terms with in, I started therapy in January of 2015, wonderful therapist.
08:04.290 –> 08:17.633
I had not been able to talk to anybody about how I feel about myself actually being a woman since I had first tried the transition in 1970.
08:18.194 –> 08:30.256
So that was when I was told by a psychiatrist in front of a group of psychiatrists that I was a freak and should move to New York City and turn tricks like the rest of them.
08:30.737 –> 08:30.917
Wow.
08:34.019 –> 08:40.523
Fast forward to 2015, 45 years later, I’m sitting in my therapist’s office.
08:42.504 –> 08:43.925
Stephanie was my therapist.
08:45.206 –> 08:48.648
And I poured my guts out.
08:49.609 –> 08:54.772
I hadn’t talked to anyone about this for decades, 45 years.
08:55.933 –> 08:56.934
It’s been repressed.
08:58.401 –> 09:04.782
The toll that takes on a person is just unbelievable trying to repress who you are.
09:07.543 –> 09:12.063
That first session, I poured everything out as I was leaving that session.
09:12.984 –> 09:15.924
I turned to say goodbye to Stephanie and I’ll see you next week.
09:17.544 –> 09:22.365
And I’ll never forget, she’s sitting there looking at me.
09:22.425 –> 09:26.946
She’s got her file folder with my male facsimile’s name on it.
09:28.283 –> 09:31.025
on her lap and she looks up at me and goes, what’s your name?
09:33.867 –> 09:35.749
I looked at her and snapped back Wendy.
09:39.151 –> 09:40.252
Didn’t have to think about it.
09:43.235 –> 09:44.736
Didn’t have to think about it at all.
09:44.776 –> 09:47.718
That was the name I had picked when I was in grammar school.
09:48.599 –> 09:50.760
She was one of the most popular girls in class.
09:50.800 –> 09:51.841
She looked the nicest.
09:51.941 –> 09:55.724
I decided that if I was ever going to be a girl, I’d be Wendy.
09:58.962 –> 10:11.538
Stephanie was the first person in my entire 67-year life to absolutely accept me without judgment, without need to understand or anything.
10:11.839 –> 10:15.584
Unconditional acceptance of who I just said I was.
10:15.604 –> 10:17.306
Yeah.
10:18.562 –> 10:31.333
So that’s what, and our next session, we went a little bit more into things and that’s when I decided the first thing I’ve got to work on is everything that’s between my ears.
10:33.615 –> 10:41.521
All those, all those decades of repression, uh, being socialized as male when you don’t want it.
10:43.723 –> 10:45.685
Um, and, um,
10:46.325 –> 10:52.529
from age 10 when I told my parents I was a girl forward.
10:53.489 –> 10:58.852
Every time I met with anyone in society, it was a disaster.
10:59.633 –> 11:05.636
I was threatened by my parents with being committed and fixed, whatever that meant in the late 1950s.
11:06.096 –> 11:12.100
So I started working, I got into mindfulness
11:13.697 –> 11:16.138
Got into my meditations again.
11:16.158 –> 11:18.759
Stephanie took me back into my hippie days.
11:21.120 –> 11:26.663
And I really started to work on what were my thoughts that were going through my head.
11:27.263 –> 11:31.505
We all have thousands of thoughts flowing through our mind every day.
11:32.426 –> 11:34.787
Usually they’re the same ones from day to day.
11:34.927 –> 11:37.048
And usually they’re not terribly helpful.
11:38.148 –> 11:42.030
They’re usually telling us things that we can’t do.
11:44.153 –> 11:53.899
So I started focusing on shifting my thoughts, rewriting my story that my inner voice is constantly telling me.
11:55.460 –> 11:58.703
And I did start journaling.
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Not a fan.
12:04.810 –> 12:07.631
I think you said in one of your podcasts, it’s a lot like work.
12:08.192 –> 12:08.452
Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Talking is thirsty work.
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All of it, all of its work, you know, deep work.
12:12.854 –> 12:13.094
Yeah.
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But what I found, the importance of journaling was not writing it down.
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It was writing it down and then letting about four or five days pass.
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And I’d go back.
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and read what I wrote.
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And I go, I don’t want to think like that anymore.
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That feels horrible.
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And that was the value of journaling for me.
12:45.292 –> 12:51.236
In the first six months of therapy, I journaled over about 120 pages.
12:51.256 –> 12:51.336
Wow.
12:51.517 –> 12:53.838
It’s a small book.
12:55.059 –> 12:55.679
Exactly.
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And
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It was raw.
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I didn’t worry about punctuation, grammar, anything.
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I just put all the thoughts down.
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And then days later, I’d go back and reread.
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And in my meditations, in my walking exercises, everything that I was doing,
13:23.300 –> 13:34.826
Anytime one of those thoughts that would pop into my head that says, you can’t do this, popped in, I’d immediately block it.
13:35.866 –> 13:36.266
Stop.
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I don’t want to think that anymore.
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Life is all about possibility.
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And it’s our beliefs and the things that we think and the emotions we feel that block our possibilities from us.
13:53.903 –> 14:13.975
And at this point, when I was going through every day, every week going to therapy, I just gave myself little life test.
14:15.997 –> 14:22.721
I would stop for coffee at a Dunkin Donuts and walk
14:24.023 –> 14:26.024
stand in line to get coffee.
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First time I tried to do that, I couldn’t do it.
14:30.945 –> 14:32.166
Couldn’t get out of the car.
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I said to Steph, when I got the therapy, I failed.
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She said, no, you didn’t.
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You’ll do it when you’re ready.
14:41.988 –> 14:43.149
And I thought about it.
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By the end of the session, I said, I’m going to do it next week.
14:46.230 –> 14:46.770
I’ll be ready.
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And what I did through that entire week
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during my meditations, during my visioning, how would it feel to do this?
14:58.614 –> 15:11.384
And my vision wasn’t, uh, uh, detailed, uh, initially it was like, how would I feel if I just walked into Dunkin’ Donuts and stood there in line?
15:11.984 –> 15:12.905
What would it feel like?
15:14.586 –> 15:15.147
And, uh,
15:16.917 –> 15:23.318
I thought about all the good things that I would feel, the sense of accomplishment, the sense of being able to do this.
15:24.618 –> 15:38.421
And then I’d start to fill in the details, like how I would be wearing a dress, so what would my legs feel like in the winter air, and the sound of my shoes on the pavement, all of that.
15:39.361 –> 15:45.642
And by the time I got there to actually do the experience, it was better in real life.
15:45.936 –> 15:47.137
than it was in my vision.
15:48.098 –> 15:48.518
Wonderful.
15:49.679 –> 15:55.283
I got to a point where I started to believe I could do that.
15:56.204 –> 16:01.568
And it only took maybe about five or six weeks to get there.
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What I determined that I was going to do was
16:16.274 –> 16:18.635
The community uses the word passing a lot.
16:21.176 –> 16:23.978
And I decided that’s a negative word.
16:25.259 –> 16:30.641
It puts way too much pressure on me or on anybody else starting this process.
16:32.322 –> 16:34.243
Passing implies also failing.
16:36.364 –> 16:44.088
So what I decided to do was I’m just going to go out and blend in as any other woman.
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That was my sole objective.
16:47.780 –> 16:54.823
Um, I also came to a realization very early on that there are no guarantees in life.
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I have no guarantee how life as a woman is going to work out for me.
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And even if it’s doable and, uh, but that’s where I’m going.
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I just made that intention and that’s what I was going to do.
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And.
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So one of the things that I see people in the community struggling with is all the fears and the anxieties of doing this.
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And that’s one of the things that I have worked with clients to help them overcome.
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Once you can get past your own internal fears and accept who you are,
17:49.518 –> 17:54.988
find self-awareness, self-acceptance, eventually you’ll get to self-love.
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And that makes all the difference in the world.
17:58.973 –> 17:59.813
Wow, sounds like it.
17:59.874 –> 18:21.005
And so I’m curious, because it sounds like you tried multiple touch points in your life to start the conversation, be that with your parents, be that with other, you know, mental health professionals, but you’re shut down, it sounds like, and dismissed, or if not judged, right?
18:21.696 –> 18:26.799
the first psychiatrist I was exposed to was at age 10.
18:28.679 –> 18:38.985
And he basically talked by me and he talked to my parents and he said, well, this is just a little transvestism.
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He’s too young to diagnose this transsexual.
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First time I’d ever heard those two words.
18:45.948 –> 18:46.228
Right.
18:47.028 –> 18:50.090
And, um, it was, uh,
18:53.820 –> 18:58.303
He said to my parents, all little boys experiment with this.
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There are curiosities, et cetera.
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And he said to my parents, once he has a career, once he has a wife and a family and all of that, he’ll forget all about being a girl.
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I spoke up and said, no, I am a girl.
19:23.306 –> 19:49.055
that was in the late 50s yeah imagine things were you can imagine very difficult at that point yeah i wasn’t i was ultimately threatened with being committed to the uh uh institution and uh fixed was the term was used um the next time i tried to do anything about this i was 22
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And it was 1970.
19:56.500 –> 19:58.981
And I had a psychiatrist who would help me.
20:01.582 –> 20:03.002
Again, there’s no internet.
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I couldn’t research that much.
20:06.423 –> 20:09.704
Libraries didn’t have much information on this at the time.
20:11.364 –> 20:18.906
And he had me coming out to my neighbors
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I lived in an apartment off campus.
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I wasn’t part of any of this on campus at all.
20:28.016 –> 20:33.921
This was just totally off-campus stuff, just between me and people that I knew locally in town.
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Testing the waters with people who were maybe outside of that social bubble.
20:38.584 –> 20:39.265
Mm-hmm.
20:40.342 –> 20:48.165
My psychiatrist got the idea of taking me to a group meeting, quarterly meeting of a group of psychiatrists.
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It was about 15 to 20 in a hospital conference room.
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I’m talking with them, telling them about my thing.
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And I wasn’t into it for more than five minutes.
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And one of the psychiatrists stands up.
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Um, says, oh, I’ll see you all next quarter.
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Uh, looks at me and that’s when he said, you’re a freak.
21:14.811 –> 21:15.051
Wow.
21:15.731 –> 21:18.753
You should move to New York city and turn tricks like the rest of them.
21:21.475 –> 21:25.938
I went to my next session with my psychiatrist that ended the meeting.
21:26.458 –> 21:29.020
I went to my next, I didn’t terminate treatment for you.
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Like you didn’t say that’s it.
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I’m out.
21:30.681 –> 21:31.321
Like I’m burnt.
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This is, you know, you stuck with your psychiatrist.
21:35.090 –> 21:48.844
I went back for my next session and that’s when he informed me that the diagnosis for my condition was psychological, no treatment, no cure.
21:51.746 –> 21:59.254
And it turns out that he also wanted me to tell my parents what I was doing.
22:01.299 –> 22:02.640
even though I was clearly over 18.
22:02.680 –> 22:04.561
Right, right.
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Young 20s, right, you said?
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22, 23?
22:07.863 –> 22:08.284
Yeah, 22.
22:08.544 –> 22:08.804
Yeah.
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And it was, I realized then that that psychiatrist was probably right.
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My only options in those days were to either live underground outside of mainstream society,
22:31.133 –> 22:33.114
New York City would have been a great place for that.
22:34.734 –> 22:38.815
After all, Greenwich Village was my playground in high school and college.
22:38.995 –> 22:43.916
So it would have been fun in one sense.
22:44.737 –> 22:44.957
Sure.
22:45.277 –> 22:47.977
And San Francisco would have been the other choice city.
22:49.798 –> 22:51.958
But in 1970, that was it.
22:53.279 –> 22:54.199
Yeah, limited choices.
22:55.059 –> 22:55.799
Very limited choices.
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For a semblance of acceptance.
22:58.260 –> 22:58.460
Right.
22:58.520 –> 22:58.700
Right.
23:00.593 –> 23:18.870
And even in New York State at that time, and even in New York City, I would be arrested and fined for appearing in public as a girl.
23:19.731 –> 23:19.871
Wow.
23:21.459 –> 23:22.280
I didn’t know that was a thing.
23:22.820 –> 23:24.301
Yeah.
23:24.361 –> 23:31.687
That’s why in 1969 at Stonewall, the people who threw the first bricks were the drag queens and the transsexuals.
23:33.328 –> 23:33.788
Makes sense.
23:34.409 –> 23:37.151
They were tired of being harassed by the New York City cops.
23:39.813 –> 23:40.013
Wow.
23:40.954 –> 23:44.597
So it’s…
23:46.659 –> 23:48.121
That’s my past with it.
23:48.622 –> 23:49.403
From 1970 on, I repressed.
23:49.443 –> 23:54.029
So at 22, you started the work of…
24:01.138 –> 24:09.386
figuring out yourself, getting mental health interventions, trying to figure out how, how to get a roadmap to this.
24:09.406 –> 24:23.198
So, you know, you’re trying to figure it out, but then there was so much pushback, not just from the community, but from your counselors that you regressed, like you, you, you hung it back up, right?
24:23.218 –> 24:25.821
You decided to, this is, I’m not, this is not
24:27.110 –> 24:30.751
feasible or just too disheartening?
24:31.031 –> 24:35.213
What caused you to hang that back up and not to continue to pursue it during that period?
24:36.633 –> 24:42.575
I think the big change for me was finding out there was absolutely no medical support for this whatsoever.
24:46.177 –> 24:51.178
I didn’t know that there were surgeons out there who would do the operations.
24:54.642 –> 24:59.086
I didn’t know that there was any kind of a community out there at that time.
24:59.887 –> 25:01.508
I don’t know how much that was.
25:01.708 –> 25:03.290
And it was pretty much in hiding.
25:03.950 –> 25:05.311
Everything was underground.
25:08.294 –> 25:19.504
There was nothing to lead me to believe that I could do this and remain part of everyday life.
25:22.996 –> 25:32.545
And I’ve talked to several other girls over my last few years and found that they went through the same things.
25:33.666 –> 25:35.748
It was fairly typical story.
25:35.928 –> 25:41.273
Either you did it and went underground or you didn’t.
25:43.536 –> 25:47.019
And I had gotten to a point where, you know, I was told,
25:48.317 –> 25:54.558
a career, a wife, a house, a family, and you’ll forget all about that.
25:56.419 –> 25:58.939
So that was the one option that I hadn’t tried.
26:01.020 –> 26:01.500
So I did.
26:02.620 –> 26:03.220
Oh, really?
26:03.240 –> 26:04.240
Uh huh.
26:06.661 –> 26:11.462
And I got I got married, I had my career in in tech.
26:12.622 –> 26:13.242
I started in 1974.
26:18.821 –> 26:24.928
And I got married in December of 74.
26:25.368 –> 26:27.811
I started my career in January of 74.
26:27.911 –> 26:31.475
So far so good.
26:32.215 –> 26:33.737
Check the boxes, the social boxes.
26:33.757 –> 26:36.160
It says this is what you’re supposed to do, right?
26:36.480 –> 26:39.063
This is what leads to social acceptance, right?
26:40.945 –> 26:41.105
So.
26:42.885 –> 26:49.166
I worked for Digital Equipment Corporation in Massachusetts for 20 years.
26:50.607 –> 26:55.267
I wound up getting transferred to Philadelphia area.
26:56.728 –> 26:59.388
Lived outside of Philly since from 89 until May of 2023.
27:10.766 –> 27:15.189
I got laid off from digital finally after about 20 years or so.
27:16.250 –> 27:17.271
They went out of business.
27:18.212 –> 27:21.854
Second largest computer manufacturer to IBM folded.
27:22.215 –> 27:23.836
Wow.
27:25.177 –> 27:28.499
So I went about reinventing myself.
27:30.641 –> 27:37.946
Went into contract programming and database development and did contract work.
27:38.846 –> 27:39.828
until around 2012.
27:43.192 –> 27:52.827
And the entire time, Patrick, all I did was I looked, my job in tech was a huge distraction.
27:54.389 –> 27:58.971
It kept me occupied 10, 12 hours a day staring at a computer screen.
27:59.091 –> 27:59.952
Yeah, I can imagine.
27:59.992 –> 28:01.993
You can kind of hide in a cave and do that work.
28:02.673 –> 28:03.694
Yeah.
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Yeah.
28:04.574 –> 28:09.316
And the other beneficial thing to it was I didn’t have to be terribly social.
28:09.817 –> 28:10.117
Right.
28:10.717 –> 28:21.862
I found being social very difficult and really tough to be open with people.
28:24.628 –> 28:26.169
I had this huge secret to hide.
28:26.689 –> 28:27.330
Well, sure.
28:27.430 –> 28:28.370
Talk about your skeletons.
28:28.750 –> 28:28.950
Yeah.
28:29.411 –> 28:30.411
It’s not a choice.
28:30.691 –> 28:31.832
It doesn’t go away.
28:32.152 –> 28:33.693
It’s with you morning till night.
28:37.174 –> 28:47.900
So when I wasn’t being distracted by my tech work, I was doing things like finished carpentry, cabinet making.
28:49.706 –> 28:55.910
loved music, listening to it, into all of that kind of stuff.
28:58.051 –> 29:06.416
And I found in the early 90s that I really needed help with this.
29:07.556 –> 29:13.760
That’s when I found out that if I went to psychiatrists, and I didn’t tell them the underlying root cause,
29:15.355 –> 29:23.501
I just made up things like I have a lot of stress from my job, anxiety with family, blah, blah, blah.
29:24.702 –> 29:28.185
They would be more than happy to prescribe medications for me.
29:29.586 –> 29:41.836
So I basically made up reasons for why I had anger issues, depression, anxiety, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t wake up, all of those types of things.
29:43.198 –> 29:50.224
And through the 90s and into the early 2000s, they kept me heavily medicated.
29:54.808 –> 30:09.159
Once I got into 2015, and it was at the February 2015, I announced to my wife at the time, I am starting estrogen therapy.
30:09.179 –> 30:10.000
Mm-hmm.
30:11.913 –> 30:36.276
and uh that’s when we decided we were getting a divorce yeah wow that must have been a very very difficult conversation well yeah it was in one sense and not in another uh i’ll explain please four years into being married i couldn’t take it anymore the stress of hiding this
30:38.689 –> 30:45.011
I was talking in my sleep and I woke my wife up one night talking in my sleep about being a woman.
30:46.892 –> 30:48.792
And she demanded an explanation.
30:50.693 –> 30:54.234
And I decided, okay, I’m just going to put it all out there.
30:57.135 –> 31:00.336
And figuring that we would probably be divorced by morning.
31:00.356 –> 31:05.878
I don’t know what that will lead to, but I don’t feel like I have any other option.
31:05.898 –> 31:06.658
Right.
31:08.425 –> 31:27.056
So the following morning, she looks at me and says, as long as you don’t do anything about it, as long as you don’t pursue anything with this, we’ll stay married.
31:29.298 –> 31:30.278
I didn’t question it.
31:31.439 –> 31:32.460
Why would I?
31:33.300 –> 31:34.281
I had no other options.
31:35.561 –> 31:38.003
At least none that I could see or believe in.
31:39.992 –> 31:46.353
So we went on from there.
31:47.173 –> 31:50.714
She did allow me to cross-dress for a period of time.
31:53.895 –> 31:56.055
And that didn’t help.
31:57.875 –> 31:58.495
I hated it.
31:59.596 –> 32:00.916
I had to take everything off.
32:02.156 –> 32:04.957
It reminded me of what I couldn’t be and who I couldn’t be.
32:09.173 –> 32:19.701
So in 2015, when we’re having this conversation and she says she wants a divorce, the only thing I asked was why?
32:21.242 –> 32:22.323
Knowing the answer, I think.
32:23.144 –> 32:26.046
And she said, you’re going to develop breasts.
32:26.286 –> 32:28.348
Lord knows what else you’re going to do.
32:28.368 –> 32:36.614
You know, I discussed it with her in 78 that I would love to have the surgery.
32:38.416 –> 32:38.636
So
32:39.704 –> 32:40.544
That was the reason.
32:40.824 –> 32:45.266
So it was very easy for me to just say, okay, we’re getting a divorce.
32:47.447 –> 32:57.430
Fortunately, it was an amicable divorce, not without its stresses, of course, and all of that.
32:58.630 –> 33:09.274
But all the way from January of 2015 to June of 2015, I was doing what I call my internal work
33:10.001 –> 33:26.433
to align myself with who I really am, get past all that male socialization that I had been burdened with, and really start figuring myself out.
33:28.555 –> 33:34.299
And by the time I got to June, my wife said to me, oh,
33:36.026 –> 33:36.886
I’m upset.
33:37.407 –> 33:39.547
I am anxious about the future.
33:39.567 –> 33:41.388
I don’t know where this is going.
33:42.248 –> 33:43.969
And you really upset me.
33:44.529 –> 33:45.749
You’re so happy.
33:49.211 –> 33:53.172
And I apologize, but I am happy.
33:53.532 –> 33:58.894
I’m finally able to go do what I needed to do all along.
33:59.234 –> 34:00.634
I’ve been holding your breath for so long.
34:01.134 –> 34:01.635
Yeah.
34:01.915 –> 34:02.135
Yeah.
34:02.595 –> 34:02.775
Yeah.
34:05.211 –> 34:21.123
And it was only a few years ago she looked at me, we divorced and all, but she looked at me and she said, you know, Wendy, it’s really good that you moved out and lived away.
34:22.664 –> 34:28.168
You never would have transitioned as well had you stayed here living with me and Mary.
34:29.088 –> 34:32.150
Taking half measures, right?
34:32.170 –> 34:34.252
I looked at her and I said, thank you for that.
34:35.334 –> 34:39.998
And that’s one of the reasons why I so readily agreed to a divorce.
34:41.439 –> 34:47.444
Because I knew that I would wind up having to discuss everything I was doing.
34:48.826 –> 35:02.297
And when you start doing that, regardless of whether it’s a spouse, a partner, whatever, when you start doing that, that’s when you start to compromise your transition and compromise what you need to do.
35:04.993 –> 35:07.555
I ran a support group for a couple of years.
35:08.936 –> 35:20.026
And one of the girls in the support group who were on pretty much the same timeframe, she made a statement that I won’t forget.
35:20.846 –> 35:22.328
I thought it was particularly good.
35:23.509 –> 35:27.132
When you’re going through a profound life change like this,
35:28.726 –> 35:34.768
or any kind of a really major life change, best thing you can do is be selfish.
35:36.569 –> 35:42.070
Focus on yourself because that’s what you need to do in order to get through it.
35:43.951 –> 35:44.771
Sounds like wise words.
35:50.413 –> 35:55.055
So going through all of that, that’s where I came up with Wendy’s 80% rule.
35:56.809 –> 35:58.830
Can you tell us about that a little bit?
35:59.330 –> 36:03.732
I know that’s something you’re a big proponent of on your social media website.
36:03.752 –> 36:04.992
And I’m curious what that’s about.
36:06.413 –> 36:21.559
Um, I discovered going through all of this, that life change, whether it’s career moving, uh, gender transition, it’s 80% begins and is 80% between your ears.
36:21.579 –> 36:21.619
Um,
36:27.498 –> 36:31.439
The thoughts that you have trigger emotions.
36:32.500 –> 36:40.983
Those emotions trigger our chemical production in our bodies, the neuropeptides that get produced, the hormones that get produced.
36:41.283 –> 36:49.286
That’s how the mind communicates with the body as to what you’re feeling, what you’re thinking.
36:50.926 –> 36:54.648
And all those horrible thoughts that I journaled,
36:56.360 –> 36:59.561
They were kicking up my anxiety level so much.
37:02.162 –> 37:04.883
So block those thoughts.
37:06.904 –> 37:12.406
Shift them, change them to something that’s more supportive, that’s believable.
37:12.766 –> 37:14.507
You can’t live outside your beliefs.
37:15.327 –> 37:22.950
I’m glad you bring that up, because that’s, I think, one of the biggest challenges when we talk about catching our thoughts, challenging our thoughts, right?
37:24.901 –> 37:46.211
changes more than positive psychology is more than just telling ourselves something that’s true because if we don’t believe it then exactly kind of falls on deaf ears right we can’t fake ourselves out subconscious knows better than that exactly true um oh
37:46.670 –> 38:02.636
that was the thing that I found most useful about mindfulness and being present is it really opens you up to what is really going on and possibilities of taking a glimpse into that subconscious and what’s going on there.
38:04.677 –> 38:15.901
And the more I learned to shift my beliefs and manage my thoughts and the, what my inner voice was telling me,
38:17.443 –> 38:20.625
the better off I was doing with all of this.
38:21.945 –> 38:37.393
So by the time I moved into my first apartment, the moving company left, I took off my male facsimile’s last remaining clothes, put on a denim skirt, sandals atop, and went grocery shopping.
38:39.415 –> 38:40.775
Never looked back.
38:42.096 –> 38:45.738
I’ve literally been in all kinds of situations
38:46.849 –> 38:52.093
and never felt any fear or hesitancy or anxiety about it at all.
38:54.215 –> 39:01.580
The first major thing I went through was in Pennsylvania, you have to go to court to change your name.
39:03.902 –> 39:15.130
And I wound up standing in a packed courtroom with my lawyer in front of a judge at the podium announcing that I was transgender.
39:16.564 –> 39:17.565
This is my name.
39:17.665 –> 39:19.346
I need to change it to that name.
39:21.207 –> 39:29.351
And she had told me, after you say your little speech, don’t say another word unless I tell you to.
39:31.091 –> 39:33.993
Because he’s going to look for every way possible to refuse you.
39:35.614 –> 39:36.054
And he did.
39:37.134 –> 39:38.315
And she did the talking.
39:39.876 –> 39:44.158
And when it was all said and done and I got my legal name changed,
39:45.325 –> 39:59.222
I turned around, looked at this packed courtroom and I’d say at least two thirds of the women were sitting there smiling and the men were.
40:01.705 –> 40:01.905
Yeah.
40:04.827 –> 40:16.010
So even after you had made a full cognitive shift that this is, I’m going to live my life, you know, a hundred percent in line with my identity, with my value system.
40:17.331 –> 40:25.013
Even then, like when you were ready to take those steps again, more friction, more roadblocks, right?
40:25.413 –> 40:28.814
Even something as simple as a name change you’d think would be simple.
40:30.334 –> 40:33.235
In some places it is and others, it’s not so much.
40:33.255 –> 40:33.335
Yeah.
40:34.321 –> 40:38.002
It varies from state to state and actually county by county.
40:43.544 –> 40:56.729
I had a client in Arkansas, took her almost a year to get a name change done with a lawyer and waiting for a court date.
40:58.988 –> 41:01.008
That’s a whole, so many parts of the process.
41:01.909 –> 41:12.030
Sounds like not just the personal deep work and then managing obviously the social aspect, but then the legalities of it too.
41:16.151 –> 41:25.833
One of the things that I do with my clients is I take them through the steps of making a roadmap of what their transition will look like.
41:26.433 –> 41:26.553
Mm-hmm.
41:28.090 –> 41:29.731
based on what they need to do.
41:31.331 –> 41:34.873
And it’s a unique roadmap, unique to them.
41:35.313 –> 41:37.093
No dates, no timetables.
41:37.634 –> 41:38.614
It’s not a project.
41:39.974 –> 41:42.675
You can go as fast as you want or as slow as you want.
41:45.536 –> 41:52.599
Common thread within the community is that transition takes a long time and is difficult.
41:54.568 –> 42:24.175
my comeback to that is if that’s what you believe it will be right but it doesn’t have to be yeah and i hear this a lot when it comes to limiting beliefs and had so many different disciplines on this podcast different walks of life different niches and one thing that seems to be the through line is that when it comes to living beliefs progress often oftentimes could happen a lot faster for us if we get out of our own way right
42:24.887 –> 42:26.189
Oh, absolutely.
42:27.230 –> 42:41.085
I went from 45 years of repression, hadn’t cross-dressed in probably 35 years or more.
42:43.007 –> 42:46.251
And I went from male to female in six months.
42:48.624 –> 42:57.410
Once you had determined and worked on your thought process and like you said, the journaling and your limiting beliefs and you could see it more objectively.
42:59.451 –> 43:07.377
And those life tests that I gave myself every week on the way to and from therapy were very important.
43:08.798 –> 43:13.681
I learned, okay, gender identity.
43:14.561 –> 43:16.823
When people see you the first time,
43:17.603 –> 43:31.834
walking into a store, walking down the street, whatever your gender, um, is assigned by whoever sees you within seconds and usually subconsciously.
43:33.435 –> 43:40.500
And that’s when I decided that it’s, um, up to, it’s up to me not to confuse them.
43:41.040 –> 43:41.100
So,
43:45.527 –> 43:49.570
Oh, what is the difference between transgender and gender identity?
43:49.930 –> 43:54.813
Yeah, I thought because you’re bringing up this subject now, I thought it’d be a good time to kind of differentiate that.
43:55.073 –> 44:01.777
Maybe you’d have some words of wisdom on it or shed a little light for those who weren’t familiar with the semantics of everything.
44:03.118 –> 44:14.185
Gender identity, I think most heterosexual people in everyday life don’t even think of the word gender.
44:15.843 –> 44:17.084
It’s just sex.
44:18.184 –> 44:19.165
Your sex is male.
44:19.225 –> 44:20.305
Your sex is female.
44:20.885 –> 44:21.286
Period.
44:21.646 –> 44:21.986
That’s it.
44:26.167 –> 44:34.431
They’re not that cognizant or aware of the word gender and gender identity.
44:34.991 –> 44:38.933
Gender is between the ears, not between the legs.
44:39.553 –> 44:39.873
Gotcha.
44:40.293 –> 44:41.113
That’s a good way to put it.
44:42.394 –> 44:42.514
And
44:43.114 –> 44:53.882
Well, I used to joke around with the guys that I knew at the gay bar that I went to for quite a number of years.
44:54.162 –> 44:56.023
I enjoyed happy hour there with them.
44:56.163 –> 44:59.886
I could talk to them and talk with a lot of people there.
45:01.147 –> 45:07.331
And they would all go, how can you do that?
45:09.313 –> 45:10.834
I’m correcting my birth defect.
45:13.692 –> 45:16.615
Up here, my brain went female, my body went male.
45:18.196 –> 45:23.541
Not my fault, not my problem, but I have to deal with it, and that’s how I’m dealing with it.
45:25.003 –> 45:36.814
So gender identity is how you identify as male, female, and I believe the DMV offers another option, and that is non-binary.
45:38.940 –> 46:02.637
so as far as i’m concerned gender is a continuum it’s a spectrum no one is perfectly male no one is perfectly female we all fall and move in between those two extremes um that’s gender identity in terms of uh the word transgender um
46:05.996 –> 46:09.238
There’s the definition that WPATH puts on it.
46:10.818 –> 46:23.845
The World Professional Transgender Health Organization puts on it, which is more of a medical type definition of how you’re born and everything.
46:24.585 –> 46:25.986
And I do agree with that.
46:26.666 –> 46:27.687
It’s how you’re born.
46:30.768 –> 46:35.531
And again, it can affect people, I believe, in different degrees.
46:37.321 –> 46:44.584
Which is the other reasons why I don’t accept transgender as a gender identity.
46:46.245 –> 46:47.566
It’s how I was born.
46:48.326 –> 46:50.147
Gotcha.
46:50.687 –> 46:54.669
Because one precludes the other, right?
46:58.751 –> 47:06.174
Within the transgender community, there are a lot of people who, if you ask them what their identity is, their gender identity,
47:06.837 –> 47:10.619
they’ll say I’m transgender or I’m a trans woman.
47:12.379 –> 47:13.160
And that’s okay.
47:14.620 –> 47:16.381
I for one though refuse to do that.
47:16.921 –> 47:20.663
I will not put the word trans in front of woman and apply it to myself.
47:21.664 –> 47:23.444
I am a woman.
47:23.925 –> 47:27.586
That’s how I identify.
47:29.687 –> 47:33.309
In terms of the transgender community,
47:35.180 –> 47:37.382
Again, I look at that as a spectrum.
47:38.263 –> 47:39.524
Yeah, could you say a little bit more about that?
47:40.204 –> 47:40.444
Sure.
47:40.464 –> 47:43.047
It’s like you’re reading my mind.
47:46.349 –> 47:47.750
We’re on the same wavelength.
47:47.790 –> 47:53.595
Right, right.
47:54.396 –> 47:55.237
It’s a spectrum.
47:55.977 –> 48:04.064
I view it as starting on one extreme with the non-binary into gender fluid
48:05.695 –> 48:34.075
into the probably the largest segment of the community um the community is in fact the social construct and that’s the cross-dressing community and then you get into the transsexual part of the community and there are people on the transsexual uh end of the community
48:35.566 –> 48:42.329
Who choose not to have the bottom surgery.
48:46.251 –> 48:49.973
Their male anatomy is their favorite organ.
48:50.073 –> 48:51.154
That’s what they like.
48:51.434 –> 48:52.574
That’s what they enjoy.
48:53.335 –> 48:54.595
And they don’t want to change that.
48:55.316 –> 48:56.596
And again, that’s okay.
48:57.777 –> 49:03.339
It’s a different spectrum of the life.
49:04.280 –> 49:04.400
Mm-hmm.
49:05.760 –> 49:10.364
And I, for one, had to have that.
49:12.665 –> 49:21.832
I was walking down 30th Street in Manhattan on the way to NYU Medical for my, I think it was my second follow-up visit.
49:22.773 –> 49:25.474
And I’m passing by these big black glass windows.
49:26.195 –> 49:28.917
And I just stood and stared at myself in the glass.
49:30.338 –> 49:33.040
Could not believe I finally did it.
49:33.958 –> 49:43.420
And my apologies in my intro, I think I had said that you had your, I don’t know what the proper term is, gender reassignment, gender affirmation surgery, right?
49:43.520 –> 49:46.021
That works, gender confirmation surgery.
49:46.061 –> 49:46.661
So it was 2017, right?
49:46.681 –> 49:47.981
So that would have put you at 60, not 67.
49:48.181 –> 49:48.922
In 2017, I was 69.
49:49.062 –> 49:49.442
I’m 75 now.
49:49.482 –> 49:50.502
Oh, well, you look great.
49:59.906 –> 50:00.306
Thank you.
50:02.848 –> 50:09.593
Most people take me for in my 50s, early 60s tops.
50:11.554 –> 50:25.984
But my primary care physician that I had when I lived in Pennsylvania kept asking me, what do you attribute all the changes in your body and in your health?
50:27.125 –> 50:29.146
And I just looked at him and I said, I’m
50:30.643 –> 50:30.923
Right?
50:31.423 –> 50:33.384
It starts with being happy.
50:34.164 –> 50:35.024
The best medicine, huh?
50:35.724 –> 50:35.984
Uh-huh.
50:36.404 –> 50:37.104
Feeling good.
50:37.765 –> 50:37.965
Yeah.
50:39.965 –> 50:46.026
So it’s definitely been a journey in this sense.
50:50.948 –> 50:57.229
I’m finding and I found because I’m nine years in, I’m in my ninth year.
50:57.978 –> 50:58.818
Mm-hmm.
50:59.118 –> 51:00.139
Fully transitioned, right?
51:00.659 –> 51:00.919
Right.
51:02.819 –> 51:16.383
And I’m finding that still deconstructing, still learning the subtleties of being a woman in a social environment.
51:17.143 –> 51:17.263
Mm-hmm.
51:18.679 –> 51:22.002
And there are things to learn.
51:22.683 –> 51:42.719
And the first two years, I would say, the first two or three years that I was living as myself authentically, just about every day had new experiences, things that I had never done before as me, even from down to the simplest little things.
51:45.888 –> 51:50.911
one of the things that I encourage my clients to do is become very self aware.
51:54.873 –> 52:14.283
Part of blending in as a woman into everyday life is your mannerisms, your behaviors, your speech patterns,
52:15.163 –> 52:20.105
everything that you do has to change in some way, shape or form.
52:22.466 –> 52:25.447
And that all takes time and it takes practice.
52:26.967 –> 52:38.091
But if you start out from the basis of self acceptance, self love, and establish that in the beginning,
52:39.498 –> 53:02.125
and establish managing your thoughts and your beliefs it just flows and it’s fun i like that you add that that it’s fun when you wrap your head around the process that it doesn’t have to be a burden right and not not you know not to drive past the fact that learning social etiquette in and of itself is a sometimes a
53:03.045 –> 53:04.768
a tall order, right?
53:05.488 –> 53:07.491
For somebody who’s not technically socialized.
53:07.511 –> 53:09.734
And that could apply to various contexts, right?
53:09.774 –> 53:11.776
Depending on demographics and where you drop somebody.
53:11.796 –> 53:18.164
I mean, you could pick up the same person and drop them in a different environment and they have a lot to learn, right?
53:18.384 –> 53:21.328
Based on what the social etiquette is for that culture.
53:22.449 –> 53:32.236
And so for somebody who’s going through a transition and already dealing with so much change, then you add this extra layer of difficulty.
53:32.516 –> 53:41.442
Now you have not just the transition and social acceptance with that particular vertical, now you have this whole other vertical of social etiquette that you have to learn.
53:41.482 –> 53:44.924
And if you look at it as a burden, then that could create more anxiety.
53:44.944 –> 53:52.089
But if you look at it as an opportunity to experience this and have fun with it, then that takes some of the angst off, huh?
53:52.929 –> 53:53.770
Absolutely.
53:55.311 –> 54:13.760
And what I’ve also found over the years is that I’ve, I think during the first couple of years, I would say that I was probably more stealth, not open to a lot of people.
54:14.961 –> 54:17.502
I live, the town that I lived in,
54:17.864 –> 54:22.047
had a large gay population, and I figured, oh, they’ll get me.
54:22.807 –> 54:23.528
Right, right.
54:23.968 –> 54:27.350
No.
54:28.211 –> 54:29.131
They were wonderful.
54:29.151 –> 54:30.352
They were supportive.
54:31.593 –> 54:35.335
I found out they didn’t understand.
54:36.516 –> 54:37.097
Different culture.
54:38.578 –> 54:46.743
Even within the LGBT community, there are segments of the community that don’t understand
54:47.546 –> 55:09.777
other segments of the community and i’d say the l the b and the g are least likely to understand the t’s so i decided i was going to talk to everybody and i did and that helped me
55:12.009 –> 55:15.492
And it was also very instructive talking.
55:15.912 –> 55:21.356
I’d be sitting there talking with a gay man and, oh, you got married.
55:21.757 –> 55:22.197
Oh, yeah.
55:22.858 –> 55:28.282
And you had children and you had a career and then you couldn’t take it anymore.
55:28.362 –> 55:30.864
And you came out and now you’re living your life.
55:32.443 –> 55:32.903
Me too.
55:33.864 –> 55:34.244
Yeah.
55:34.325 –> 55:44.813
So this is where sharing your personal journey can be educational and encouraging for others kind of going through their own similar challenges and journey, right?
55:45.413 –> 55:46.034
Exactly.
55:47.034 –> 55:51.298
Like you said, especially because even, I mean, on the front end, there was so little
55:53.997 –> 55:58.979
of a foundation, of a reference point, of a community to draw from.
55:59.419 –> 56:11.822
Like you said, maybe not like it is now where there’s the internet and there’s online forums and communities and there’s a lot more acceptance for even the LGBTQ community and civil rights and all of that now.
56:13.291 –> 56:17.514
you know, still very important to share, right?
56:18.314 –> 56:19.175
Absolutely.
56:19.255 –> 56:24.819
To be an encouragement to those, you know, who are going after you, right?
56:25.019 –> 56:25.499
So to speak.
56:27.060 –> 56:41.950
Actually, I’ve found that, well, I was in Virginia visiting a client and I’m sitting in this room with a
56:42.401 –> 56:55.765
group of people, heterosexual people, and basically all conservative Republican types.
56:58.006 –> 57:01.187
But they were open and willing to listen.
57:03.507 –> 57:04.828
And they were very nice people.
57:06.408 –> 57:09.149
And I talked at length with them.
57:10.162 –> 57:15.383
about my life, about what I’ve been through, about what this is all about, that it doesn’t go away.
57:15.803 –> 57:17.984
Their friend had to do the same thing.
57:18.504 –> 57:20.144
I helped her through that process.
57:21.144 –> 57:26.265
And they were very receptive and very nice.
57:28.005 –> 57:36.947
And that was one of the things that made me decide that I wanted to guest on podcasts like this.
57:38.225 –> 57:53.228
is if I can find people who are open to listening, if you stop and think about it, most people in our society have never met anyone openly that they’re aware of.
57:55.988 –> 58:01.809
And much less heard anyone like me talk or explain this.
58:03.130 –> 58:03.390
Right.
58:04.430 –> 58:05.030
And that’s,
58:05.831 –> 58:27.103
what i felt was very important to do especially in today’s environment when there are people out there that say all kinds of crap about us and actually want to legislate us out of existence yeah that’s where psychoeducation is so important especially this demographic because
58:29.090 –> 58:30.191
Talking about social etiquette.
58:30.631 –> 58:50.178
I mean, it’s important to set the record straight for people who want to learn right because people Oftentimes maybe not won’t feel comfortable asking those questions Exactly, because maybe they don’t want to offend or they don’t want to come off as seen Unaware right and ignorant and
58:51.693 –> 59:02.600
I think the work you’re doing is commendable, that you are educating the masses and through your own journey and that you’re doing it in a way that’s very welcoming and approachable.
59:02.941 –> 59:03.801
So thank you for that.
59:04.522 –> 59:05.743
Thank you for that.
59:06.143 –> 59:07.804
I appreciate that very much, Patrick.
59:11.181 –> 59:12.742
So many other directions we could go.
59:12.842 –> 59:28.035
I’m wondering based on your experience, if there are any kind of salient or universal truths that you feel might be helpful for people going through tough life changes, transitions, you talked a lot about the deep work.
59:28.075 –> 59:35.721
What, what do you feel is kind of a good kind of jumping off point for someone who’s feeling a little lost?
59:37.823 –> 59:39.424
Well, um,
59:43.217 –> 59:50.703
Having someone that you can reach out to and talk with quite openly and candidly about your feelings.
59:53.065 –> 59:56.047
Not what you think, but what your feelings are about it.
59:58.209 –> 01:00:05.495
That’s an important place to start that gets you into being aware of how you’re feeling.
01:00:07.276 –> 01:00:11.600
Then we can start to question what’s behind those feelings.
01:00:12.529 –> 01:00:15.091
and begin to make changes to them.
01:00:21.495 –> 01:00:23.457
I recently went through a move.
01:00:25.058 –> 01:00:29.881
I moved from Pennsylvania to another state.
01:00:32.383 –> 01:00:34.845
The process of doing that was difficult.
01:00:38.207 –> 01:00:43.428
And there was a lot going on with family and all this other kind of stuff.
01:00:44.848 –> 01:00:51.669
So I got into the end of May of last year and beginning of June.
01:00:53.510 –> 01:00:54.250
I was in a hotel.
01:00:55.890 –> 01:00:56.990
I didn’t know where I was going to live.
01:00:59.551 –> 01:01:01.051
And I didn’t worry about it.
01:01:03.191 –> 01:01:07.172
I did some networking with some people on LinkedIn.
01:01:09.468 –> 01:01:10.789
I got some suggestions.
01:01:11.449 –> 01:01:12.210
I followed up.
01:01:13.510 –> 01:01:17.433
And the next thing I know, I’m looking at an apartment in another state.
01:01:20.934 –> 01:01:30.840
But rather than agonize over it, rather than drive myself crazy, which is what I used to do in my earlier days.
01:01:31.120 –> 01:01:31.260
Yeah.
01:01:31.932 –> 01:01:35.114
Get yourself worked up into a twist.
01:01:35.674 –> 01:01:38.456
I said I worked for Digital Equipment Corporation.
01:01:38.516 –> 01:01:40.598
They perpetually reorganized.
01:01:41.078 –> 01:01:47.262
Every year and a half or so, everybody would have to do resumes and apply for new jobs.
01:01:49.323 –> 01:01:52.385
It was that kind of a high-tech reorganization thing.
01:01:53.546 –> 01:01:54.706
Drove me crazy.
01:01:55.887 –> 01:01:57.708
I drove everyone around me crazy.
01:01:58.449 –> 01:02:00.290
In hindsight, yeah.
01:02:01.417 –> 01:02:02.557
I didn’t need to do that.
01:02:03.958 –> 01:02:07.339
Every time we reorganized, I usually got a better job.
01:02:08.199 –> 01:02:09.780
I usually did better from it.
01:02:11.260 –> 01:02:22.844
So this past year, when I’m looking at where am I going to live and what am I going to do and what’s going to become of me, I chose not to worry about it.
01:02:24.605 –> 01:02:25.565
I knew it was coming.
01:02:25.925 –> 01:02:28.986
I knew I had to be prepared, but
01:02:30.168 –> 01:02:32.310
I was just going to deal with it when I get to it.
01:02:32.650 –> 01:02:32.830
Right.
01:02:32.851 –> 01:02:40.878
It comes to, you know, courage sounds like about trusting the process.
01:02:41.178 –> 01:02:44.942
It’s not about not being afraid so much, but knowing that you’re able to adapt.
01:02:45.662 –> 01:02:45.902
Right.
01:02:46.203 –> 01:02:46.403
Right.
01:02:46.483 –> 01:02:49.986
Trusting that you’re able to adapt, you know, in light of change.
01:02:50.547 –> 01:02:52.368
Because the unknown is scary for anyone.
01:02:52.929 –> 01:02:53.089
Yeah.
01:02:55.206 –> 01:03:02.316
Most of the time, the things that we are afraid of that we envision in our minds never happen.
01:03:03.338 –> 01:03:03.778
Not the truth.
01:03:03.798 –> 01:03:06.642
There’s a thing we don’t plan for that catches a blind side.
01:03:07.664 –> 01:03:09.887
Yeah, that’s the truth.
01:03:10.007 –> 01:03:10.668
That’s the truth.
01:03:12.326 –> 01:03:17.627
I would like to open up the chat to anyone who has questions for Wendy.
01:03:18.367 –> 01:03:19.087
Feel free.
01:03:19.167 –> 01:03:28.249
Now would be your time if you have any questions about life transitions, her journey, nuggets of wisdom for going through this specific kind of transition.
01:03:28.409 –> 01:03:30.049
Please feel free.
01:03:31.550 –> 01:03:34.050
Otherwise, we will get ready to land the plane.
01:03:34.970 –> 01:03:35.530
Going once.
01:03:38.191 –> 01:03:38.791
Going twice.
01:03:41.417 –> 01:03:42.117
All right, Wendy.
01:03:42.198 –> 01:03:50.723
So I know that you have a lot going on with your service as a as a transition coach mentor.
01:03:51.323 –> 01:03:51.523
Right.
01:03:51.703 –> 01:03:57.387
And people can learn more about the wonderful work you’re doing at your website, right?
01:03:58.188 –> 01:03:58.928
meetwendycole.com.
01:04:01.522 –> 01:04:03.903
You have a wonderful newsletter, right?
01:04:04.103 –> 01:04:06.044
Wendy’s 80% Rural Newsletter.
01:04:06.064 –> 01:04:08.685
People can jump on and learn from you.
01:04:08.725 –> 01:04:11.287
They can also work with you directly, right?
01:04:11.807 –> 01:04:12.027
Right.
01:04:12.067 –> 01:04:14.808
They can schedule time with me on my calendar.
01:04:14.828 –> 01:04:19.991
I’ll have any kind of conversation you want to, one-on-one.
01:04:21.311 –> 01:04:26.774
And the bottom link takes you to a media page on my website.
01:04:27.895 –> 01:04:28.275
Wonderful.
01:04:28.695 –> 01:04:29.035
Excellent.
01:04:30.015 –> 01:04:31.716
And you’ve got your socials down here at the bottom.
01:04:32.476 –> 01:04:32.696
Right.
01:04:33.156 –> 01:04:33.816
Israel active.
01:04:33.936 –> 01:04:36.977
Got your, Oh, you have a podcast, YouTube, LinkedIn, Facebook.
01:04:37.057 –> 01:04:38.357
So easy to find.
01:04:39.277 –> 01:04:39.457
Yep.
01:04:40.357 –> 01:04:40.717
Excellent.
01:04:41.397 –> 01:04:41.997
Thank you for that.
01:04:43.578 –> 01:04:44.318
Thank you.
01:04:44.498 –> 01:04:45.698
Yeah, absolutely.
01:04:46.178 –> 01:04:49.139
And you’re always welcome back on to share some words of wisdom.
01:04:49.159 –> 01:04:50.119
Let us know how things are going.
01:04:50.239 –> 01:04:53.039
If you like, I’m currently working on a book.
01:04:53.760 –> 01:04:54.480
Oh, that’s exciting.
01:04:55.160 –> 01:04:55.360
Yep.
01:04:56.100 –> 01:04:56.160
Um,
01:04:57.250 –> 01:05:05.933
I’m putting together a, my transition and life story is going to be the undercurrent through it.
01:05:06.653 –> 01:05:12.975
And within the book, what I’m going to talk about is things that I’ve learned through this process.
01:05:13.235 –> 01:05:13.835
Oh, how wonderful.
01:05:15.056 –> 01:05:15.436
Good.
01:05:15.616 –> 01:05:18.397
I’ll definitely tap my shoulder when that’s getting ready to launch.
01:05:18.457 –> 01:05:18.957
Oh, I will.
01:05:18.997 –> 01:05:20.778
And I’ll have you back on and talk about it, please.
01:05:20.838 –> 01:05:21.598
Yeah, please do.
01:05:23.567 –> 01:05:24.067
All right.
01:05:24.387 –> 01:05:26.689
Well, with that, I wish you a fantastic week.
01:05:26.729 –> 01:05:27.769
Again, thank you so much.
01:05:27.829 –> 01:05:33.072
And again, for anyone who wants to learn more about Wendy, wendycole.com.
01:05:33.452 –> 01:05:36.393
You can find out all the wonderful work she’s doing there.
01:05:38.615 –> 01:05:39.235
Everyone take care.
01:05:40.275 –> 01:05:40.576
Bye-bye.
01:05:41.396 –> 01:05:42.216
Thank you, Patrick.
01:05:42.336 –> 01:05:42.917
Thank you, Wendy.
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