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Neurodiverse Empowerment Thrive with Dr. Monica Blied, Ph.D, MACL, BSP
In this enlightening episode, we sit down with Dr. Monica Blied to embark on a journey of understanding and empowerment for neurodivergent individuals and tips for thriving with Autism and ADHD. Dr. Blied, is dedicated for her groundbreaking work in the field of mental health, autism, and ADHD, and shares profound insights and practical strategies for flourishing in a world that often misunderstands neurodiversity.
Dr. Blied will be talking about avoiding and addressing autistic burnout, executive functioning skills in everyday life and other tips for flourishing as a neurodivergent individual. From navigating the challenges of autistic burnout to honing essential executive functioning skills, Dr. Blied offers a roadmap for success that resonates deeply with neurodivergent communities. As we explore the nuances of empowerment and understanding, we also unveil Dr. Blied’s latest endeavor, the course “Empowerment Through Understanding: Adult ADHD and Autism.” Join us as we embrace diversity, celebrate resilience, and unlock the full potential of neurodivergent individuals with Dr. Monica Blied.
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BIO: Dr. Monica Blied, Ph.D, MACL, BSP
Hi! I’m Dr. Monica Blied, founder of the Faces of Health app and online mental health courses. I combine my expertise as a clinical psychologist and neuroscience practitioner with my everyday experiences living with chronic illnesses for the past 11 years, to design tools that help people learn to manage stress and live fuller lives. At Faces of Health, we believe that stress management is a key pathway to achieve optimal physical and mental health. Therefore, my team and I put our expertise & experiences to work and engaged our communities to solve the problem of unmitigated stress for ourselves and for others.
Learn More About Thriving with Autism & ADHD, With Dr. Monica Blied, Ph.D.
CONTACT AND SOCIALS:
- Website: Https://facesofhealth.net
- Website: https://drblied.com/adhd
- YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@drblied
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr.blied/ Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/drblied/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/facesofhealth/
- CAMFT Annual Conference: https://www.camft.org/Education/Events/2024-Annual-Conference/Speakers
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It is my mission to equip you with valuable and effective coping skills and clinical interventions, to improve your mood, be more productive and improve your quality of life, so you can do more, and worry less.
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TRANSCRIPT:
Audio file
Neurodiverse Empowerment Thrive with Dr. Monica Blied Podcast.mp3
Transcript
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
This episode of the Mental Health Toolbox is brought to you by stream yard. The easiest way to live stream and record stream yard is a professional live streaming and recording studio in your browser. Record your content or stream live to Facebook, YouTube and all your favorite socials with the click of a button. If you’re a content creator, then stream yard is a game changer. Stream Yard is the tool I trust to record all of my podcasts and YouTube videos. They even rolled out a new collab feature where you can find perfect guests for your podcast as well as guest on other shows you like, which is the rocket fuel for growing. Your podcast. They even have a built in webinar feature to promote your courses and programs. This is usually an added feature from other provide. Readers to check it out for yourself, visit the mental health toolbox.com/stream yard or just visit the link in the description. Hey, we’re about to jump right into the content, but before we do, I wanted to let you know about two new products I’ve created for the mental health toolbox. One is the set of 10 audio guided meditations on mindfulness and gratitude, and the other is a gratitude journal. It’s digital, and you can type right into it. Or you can print it out and put it into a folder for. Pen to paper convenience, so be sure to check those out in the description below. Alright, let’s get into it.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
And it was interesting, Patrick, over the course of the last 4 1/2 years of doing this assessment, specifically discovering for myself that I was neurodivergent. Mm-hmm. So it was. It’s been a process. Right. Because here I am. You know, I married a man who I knew going in, you know, dating that he was autistic, ADHD, Even so my. Fun, who was diagnosed autistic, who was assigned female at birth and, you know, just thinking about, OK, so here it is. Here on this level. Here it is. Here in this level. And I’m, like, sandwiched in the middle like, OK, let’s take a look in the mirror and see what might be going on for myself. So.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Mm-hmm.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Looking at. That how difficult social relationships were for me, how I had a script and a plan for making friends in high school. And So what is autistic? Burnout folks who are autistic and identify that maintaining the conversation. Ah. A2 way conversation not just information sharing or that you know what’s the proximity happening or being in groups, especially with people who are unfamiliar, trying to navigate all those social dynamics and also the masking that comes along with, yes, I fit in. I’m just like you. And it’s not necessarily conscious. Sometimes it’s just like. A survival mechanism. And so whatever that support looks like, reaching out for that is so important. And being able to not only prevent burnout, but then also address it. Once you know, once it’s become an issue and there are different scripts. So we can learn and we can. To help accommodate ourselves and advocate for ourselves with the other people can accommodate us. Yeah. How can I manage everyday life? Like a way that flight everything that you’re saying sounds fine and great, but I still need to get to work on time I still need. Turn on the turn into society. Right. And so one of the main tips is routine create routine and structure. And ADHD years autists we all do. Better with routine.
Speaker 4
Welcome to the mental Health Toolbox Podcast, where you will gain the knowledge to thrive. Here is your host, licensed psychotherapist Patrick Martin.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
All right. Welcome to the mental health toolbox. Today we are bringing back our resident expert on neurodiversity, Dr. Monica Blyde. She is a clinical psychologist and will be sharing with us her tips around neurodiversity and how to thrive in a world designed for neurotypical people. And specifically, we’ll be talking about how to avoid. Did burnout as a neurodiverse person so stick around? We have lots of great information going through today. If you’re not familiar with Doctor Blige, she’s a clinical psychologist. She has dealt with chronic health issues herself and has had to learn all kinds of strategies to cope and thrive despite what life throws at us. And she’s also the creator of faces of health, a wonderful online resource for mental health and tools there. And she is also going to be launching a new course. In addition to that, she is also an expert in testing ADHD for adults. Something’s pretty. Undefined, and she’s based out of Claremont, CA. So without further ado, let’s say hey to Doctor Boyd, how’s it going?
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Hello. Wonderful. Thank you so much for having me again, Mr. Martin, I.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Ohh my pleasure. So nice to have you back on. How’s your week going so far? I know it’s only Monday.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Hello. Good. Yeah, I know it’s Monday. The weekend was good. Actually, today is my husband’s birthday.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Oh well, thank you for making time. This especially and lighter than. Right. Well, those who are familiar with our podcast are no stranger to all of the Nuggets of wisdom that you have, and that you’re going to be sharing with us.
Speaker
Hello.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Around the right university, I’m curious what? Off the top of your mind, do you feel? Best describes what? A neurodiversity person or condition looks like like how would for someone who’s not familiar with that language, what does that? What? What does that encompass?
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Yeah, so neurodivergence or neurodiversity means that there’s something different or a variance from what’s typical and neuro, which is our brains. And so a neurodivergent person has a unique brain style that often. Also comes with differences in how the brain is structured. And how the brain is wired and how we see or approach the world. So neurodiversity includes folks who have ADHD, folks who are autistic. Some people include dyslexia or a variety of mental health conditions. With bipolar as part of the Neurodivergence movement, but typically it’s seen as the folks who have ADHD or autism, or a different a different learning differences.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Thank you. Very well said. And also like can get confusing sometimes a lot of language that gets thrown around even ADD and ADHD sometimes I think. It’s not very well understood by the general public with the differences, and sometimes it’s used interchangeably with adults with children and can somebody have ADD without having the hyperactivity? What does that look like? Do adults have ADHD or is it? Just a D.
Speaker
There’s a lot.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Of I think that going.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Yeah.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
One you know?
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Yeah, actually one of my clients said that they’re, I don’t know if it’s a primary care. Their psychiatrist actually said, oh, you can’t have ADHD because you’re not five years.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
We talk about this stuff.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Old like what? So ADHD and autism, they are neurodevelopmental disorders, which means they are conditions that. You are born with. Yes, even if they’re not diagnosed in early childhood due to various factors due to you know, most often the person is twice exceptional, meaning they’re also gifted intellectually. And so that and higher mask, a lot of the features that they may be actually struggling with or they may have high anxiety and just want to. Please adults figures and so that can come off as oh, this person is not having a lot of challenges until. So they leave the structure of their family environments and their, you know, it’s kind of, you know, having everything routine and then they’re on their own and have to make their own schedule and those sorts of things. And so a lot of young adults who are going to college are first diagnosed with ADHD. And you know you you mentioned like ADD versus ADHD as of I think it’s been over a decade now. Our diagnostic manuals changed where we’re going to look you’re using AD it’s like doesn’t exist anymore but it’s still in our common language but it doesn’t exist, it’s only ADHD. Me, but there are different presentations of ADHD and so there is ADHD, predominantly inattentive type. So that’s what we used to do with ADD, you know, without the hyperactive or there’s the predominantly hyperactive impulsive presentation. Or there is combined presentation where you. Have prominent symptoms or features of each where you are as an adult, you have at least six of a list of features and as a child under 18 you have at least 5 and so part of the assessment process is saying like, OK, well, do you meet diagnostic criteria meaning? You have, you know, some of this, these list of features or symptoms. And is it impacting your life because maybe it wasn’t impacting your life before because Mom and dad or caregiver made sure you got that homework done no matter what? Even if 4 hours, you know, or maybe it wasn’t impacting your life before because for autism, for example, you had a set. Our friends who were like from childhood, where the parents always set up play dates and so you had that familiarity, but now you’re in a new school. Or now you’re trying to adjust the college or married life and you know the two are coming together and there’s a child. There’s so many different variances that then help to to show someone for the first time, like, oh, wow. Like these things are a challenge.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Mm-hmm.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
For me, and they’re not a challenge for other people. That’s usually what I’m saying. Like just like ohh, this is not common. I didn’t know that other people you know, didn’t struggle with getting to places on time, or they could actually write an essay in 30 minutes instead of three hours or. They could read a book chapter without having to read and reread the same paragraph because your mind went somewhere else. And so that process of understanding that, yes, you’re different in these ways and you’re not alone in these ways. There is a cultural community of people who also have unique brain styles. You can relate to. You. You’re not weird. You’re not an alien. You are a beautiful piece of diversity of what we need in humanity to have those exists and have those different perspectives.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Absolutely. Thank you so much for for kind of flushing that out for us because. It’s so nice to see some of the language changing from the semantics run, how we talk about these things, from from, from an empowered perspective, the twice exceptional right, that’s huge. I think that’s a huge shift from what we’ve seen.
Speaker
Hmm.
Speaker 2
Yes, what’s this?
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
And there’s still a lot of these preconceived notions, I think even for. The stigma around accepting a a diagnosis in general, right? We know that it’s just the language we use to try and understand something from a clinical perspective, but there’s definitely a a real impact in society when we, when we start looking at these conditions through the lens of a diagnosis. Hmm. You’re saying that things have changed in the DSM, which we know the DSM is professionals is just a compass, right? It’s just to. Give us an idea of what we’re working with so. Gotta approach things. I mean, set up with fast. We saw that with Asperger’s, right? That was pretty much the next. Now it’s like pervasive development disorder.
Speaker
Hmm.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
You know, but nobody’s gonna walk around saying pervasive development. Sorry. They aspergers.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Yeah. Yeah. Or, you know, Asperger’s. But it’s like autism, like, you know. But they don’t. Know that’s not. That’s not it, right. You know, it’s part of the autism spectrum now, you know, we’re autism is not just.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Mm-hmm.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
You know, in part of the spectrum is, but it’s not just individuals who, you know, didn’t talk, you know, or use expressive language until the age of five or six or, you know, could it. Hi there. Shoes on their own until they were 12. You know, individuals with higher support needs. I think that is the stereotype that we have of this is what autism looks like and we’re just seeing this very narrow slice of the optical spectrum. Where really. You know, we have autistic individuals who. Have lower support needs. They’re mild, but still significant, and so for example, if you can, you know, be integrated into a typical classroom and get good grades and all these things but have a hard time deciphering. Emotions on faces and facial expressions. That’s a significant support need.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Ohh for sure because how much of life? Quality of life is is impacted by these subtleties in society. Picking up on the nuances, the social cues, how the impact that has on somebody who is trying to integrate into a new stage of life. New chapter, be that high school or even college, and the impact that has on one’s self esteem.
Speaker
Yeah.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Yes.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
If they feel like they’re not quite fitting in, well, one of my missing and people may not say anything to them, but they’ll. They’ll they’ll still treat that person differently. They may not invite that person to the event, or they may not play with them on the playground, or they might just kind of tolerate them, but not not even tell them, you know, hey, what’s going on or this is what I meant. And there’s that, like you said, that you leave one structure, you go to another, but the other.
Speaker
Yeah.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
The environment isn’t necessarily established to help that person learn the quote, social rules, or or how things are done, and so they’re just kind of left to figure. Things out for themselves.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
You may not be as accommodate.
Speaker
Ask me.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
You know.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Now it’s a comedy for sure.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Yeah. And so one of the things that you talked on, Patrick, is really important about how it impacts self esteem. Typically, the folks that I’m seeing in my practice are, you know, 15/16/17 up to like 404142 and their self esteem is so impacted because it’s like I don’t understand what I did wrong with the situation, why I just.
Speaker 2
Lost this friend.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Or why excluded as you mentioned and I’m trying my best. To fit in. And to do what they do and what is expected, what I’m trying. To perceive as. You know what is expected trying to do my best to fit within the mold, especially individuals who are assigned female at birth. We are taught at a very. Early age to to fit in to not make waves to. All those things. And so when we think about the very high core occurrence, rates of depression and anxiety and folks who are neurodivergent. From a life experience perspective, it it makes sense and it breaks my heart.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Yeah, absolutely. I know working with clients like you said with that that slice of the spectrum, you know it’s not quite, it’s not quite autism. It’s not even sometimes I’ve had clients that aren’t quite. Asperger’s it’s more like a pragmatic disorder, but it’s just enough. To to make it hard. For them to to get the answers, they need to get the direction they need to. You know, not blame themselves as if they’re doing something wrong. Why? You know, why aren’t they likable? Why can’t they hold relationships? Why don’t they?
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Yeah.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
XY and Z and so they take that on themselves. And like you said that they certainly lead to depression for a lot of folks, absolutely.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Yeah. Yeah. And so that’s why assessments like getting the answer, getting the diagnosis can be so empowering because now you know, now you know, you have an explanation finally for your experience. The ohh. My brain works differently the way that I see and perceive the world is different than the typical society. And now I can. Move on the path toward self acceptance, getting what I needed these areas and accepting myself for who I am and how I was.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Owning it.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
May.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Absolutely strangers. And that’s why I am so. Grateful for the work that you’re doing. Because not only are you are you helping people get a road map.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Yeah.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
For where they’re at, but you can give them clear tools right to thrive moving forward and how they want, how they want to be empowered, right. What that looks like, that there is this, there are resources right to learn how to thrive and I.
Speaker
Yeah. Yes.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Think. Because, like we were talking about a lot of people who are never. Divergent they aren’t. Taught these tools right? Because maybe. They just weren’t environment that was equipped to teach them these tools, and they have an unfair disadvantage, right? Because they don’t. They don’t have. They don’t play with the full scope of, you know, how to do. Life on life streams, right?
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. They they want all these tools or what they were taught is fit in. What they were taught change yourself. And so you know what I’m teaching and the all my course that. I created is. Like, no, you know, we got to shift from changing ourselves to fit this mold to constantly doing these mental acrobatics to try to figure out. How do I fit in to?
Speaker
You.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Adapting or changing your environment.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
MHM.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Change your environment to accommodate your needs versus changing yourself who you are as a person. It’s so powerful that we can we can experience that pivot.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Yeah.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
And it was interesting, Patrick, over the course of the last 4 1/2 years of doing this assessment, specifically discovering. For myself that I was neurodivergent.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
MHM.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
So it was. It’s been a process right, because here I am. You know, I’m married. A man who I knew going in, you know, dating that he was autistic ADHD, you know, diagnosed early childhood and so it’s just sad. My stepson and I started to get. As I’m doing these assessments started to get more familiarity about what it looks like in individuals assigned female. Earth. And so my son, who was diagnosed autistic, who was assigned female at birth. And, you know, just thinking about, OK, so here it is. Here on this level. Here it is. Here on this level. And I’m, like, sandwiched in the middle. Like, OK, let’s take a look in the mirror and see what might be going on for myself.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Mm-hmm.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
So looking at. How difficult social relationships were for me, how I had a script and a plan for making friends in high school? You know, I told my my friend from high school. Just like, hey, the first day I said to people who look friendly. Hey, can we meet at lunch? So that I could have someone to talk. To at lunch. And she was the only person who showed up. Ended up being my friend, but you know that planned fulness? You know, we’re social. Communication is not organic, but there’s more kind of structure and logic to it. That’s part of the autism spectrum.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Mm-hmm.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Back to when she didn’t come to school, how I would just hang out in Miss Andrews. My math teacher’s class because the rest was hard and there was a lot of anxiety around it. That’s part of the autism spectrum.
Speaker
Yeah.
Speaker 2
And.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
You see that a lot? Absolutely. So kind of a. Those are the things as a as a practitioner, you know, to identify. But if you’re living it all. You know is. This this feels safer. Yeah, easier. Yeah.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
This is partner in my life. Yeah, not realizing that like other people didn’t have those same struggles. UM and. Now that I know I’m better equipped to empower others. And to support from not just professional training. But from lived experience in marrying those two together to like, OK, let’s see what’s going on for you and what is not. Maybe it’s not, maybe it is, you know, social anxiety. Maybe it is rejection sensitive dysphoria, which is really common in ADHD, you know. But oftentimes what I’ll see is it’s both because it’s a very high Co occurrence between ADHD and autism like myself, like my husband, like my stepson. Like my son. You know where you have these folks who can have these conversations, but if you go back and analyze what the mechanics of that convert. Station it’s usually more one sided or information sharing and not necessarily reciprocal in building upon conversation points that are shared by both people. And so that’s the fascinating part of assessment. For me, discovering that four people. Putting the puzzle pieces together so that they can have, like you said, a road map for this is how I am. This is who I am. And this is how. I can move forward with in ways that protect my energy and my peace in ways that benefit me in ways that lower the levels of self criticism and anxiety and depression and the things that can come along when you don’t know. Before you know but you. Don’t know how to deal with it.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Absolutely. And that just speaks to kind of the topic for today, right? We’re talking about managing stress. You’re just saying a lot of lot of understanding the self and understanding how to thrive as a neurodivergent person is translates as stress management. So you don’t have that that risk factor.
Speaker
Hmm.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
It’s not as high for becoming depressed, right? Because things are. You’re swimming upstream. Right and it’s not working. So how does how does a neurodivergent person or somebody on the spectrum manage burnout? What does that look like? And as a as a expert in this field, it’s your it’s your bread and butter, like when you’re working with clients. I’m sure a lot of the work you do is about mitigating. The stress right driving with.
Speaker
Yes.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Yes, yes.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
The destination.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
And even going from surviving to thriving to flourishing, that’s where we’ll be, right and.
Speaker 2
So what is autistic?
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Burnout folks who are autistic and identify that maintaining the conversation. A2 way conversation not just information sharing or that, you know, reciprocity happening or being in groups, especially with people who are unfamiliar, trying to navigate all those social. Dynamics and also the masking that comes along with, yes I fit in. I’m just like you and it’s not necessarily conscious sometimes it’s just like a survival mechanism.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Mm-hmm.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Those things are. Exhausting. And so if you go to a party or to a social networking thing and you’re doing your thing and then you find that like the next few days, you don’t wanna talk to any. What? Like, let’s sit in silence. Let’s do our favorite activities together. Like parallel play. You know, that’s a sign that you know that that burnout is present that. Austin, that burnout is present and yes, if not taken care of after a while, it can lead to a depressive episode. And so I do have some specific tips for burnout prevention tips. So how can you help when masking and compensating and trying to assimilate and all that are so exhausting that you you feel depleted? It’s the five essence. It’s actually created by Doctor Joy Lawrence. With noodles sychology in EU DLE in 2023, the five assets.
Speaker 2
So neurodivergent individuals.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Need to prioritize healing and take a break. Whether through respite or support from family and friends, so the five principals or the 5S’s are number one, stop, stop, slow down as much as possible. So say no or, you know, even the classroom environment. If it’s a young adult who’s in. Or two clue or reduce contact with people and so some people can feel guilty or be made to feel guilty if they are secluding themselves. But again, this is part of our ability to.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Mm-hmm.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Move from survival to survive, first of all, surviving to survive flourishing. And so it’s for. For a specific amount of time to be able to recover from all the work that it’s hard work for our brains to do the social and mental acrobatics to try to fit in. And then aging special interest for regulation. So by special interest is I’m not sure if you guessed it, but neuropsychology, you know, doing this work but then also sure. And so watching nature shows.
Speaker
Yes.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Just anything about animals, whether it be. In the deep. Sea or on the coast or in the air that is so calming. So finding what your special interest is for some.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Well, the theming behind it makes me want to take a. Walk in the forest.
Speaker
No.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Yes. Anything that has animals and no humans. I’m like all for it, you know, finding what that is for you, whether it be, you know, some sort of media entertainment or or video games or crocheting. Or you know. Whatever it might be, special interest. That’s the third US stemming, which is a regulation through motor movement.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Mm-hmm.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
That the 4th because that actually helps to engage our vagus nerve which calms our body down, you know 80% of our parasympathetic nervous system or our bodies relaxation system has the vagus nerve involved.
Speaker 2
Then getting support. So it can be support through community. It can be support through, you know, deal plug of the ADHD autism online.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Course you know or. Whatever that might look like, there may be, you know, I always say like, find your people. And so they’re maybe person where. They get it. They understand you. And you’re able to Joey. Joey.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Ah, gotcha.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Yeah, of any policy in EU daily. Yeah. And so whatever that support looks like reaching out for that is so important. And being able to not only prevent burnout, but then also address it once.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Yeah, right.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
You know, once it’s become an issue.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Wow, thank you for sharing that. That’s fantastic. What wonderful tips. And I also like it gives it gives oneself permission.
Speaker 4
Umm.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Right. You understand that this is part of a self-care plan. If I need to take some respite after a social engagement rather than A-frame, that is social isolation and a bad thing and a sign of depression. So this is part of my self-care plan. This is I’m an introvert. This is OK. This is self-care and this is what I do. So if I’m going to commit to something, I need to be very careful about how.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Yeah.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
What I’m committing to? That is some high high importance, right? And that. My follow up plan is not to commit to more things because I feel obligated, but rather to make sure I have. I have respite time afterwards, right?
Speaker
Yeah.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
And if I’m going to get you the people and needs to be like you said, paralleled, right? It’s like, OK, we you’re not gonna have company, but understand, you know, I’m going to be doing my thing. You can. Do yours, you.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Know you’re welcome to hang out together or you know I’m on my phone screwing and you’re on your phone. But we’re still that togetherness. But it’s not that. The energy required to engage.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Mm-hmm. Yeah. The strategic about how we. How we expend ourselves.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
And also something you know that part of that respite care and that self-care plan is creating a buffer zone around those social engagement activities where you buffer yourself before and after. You have to be in draining environments, draining meaning where you have to mask or camouflage or there’s too much sensory input, sensory overload or too little activity. And what that means is you have your special interest or some sort of pleasurable activity that you do before.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Mm-hmm.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Order one per intentional and then that you also have planned to do right afterwards, and so you kind of sandwich this unpleasant experience or. Yeah, it’s just unpleasant. I was going to try to find a different one.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Mm-hmm.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Yeah, with activities and so you.
Speaker
What it is? Right.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Know your brain. Your body can handle it much better. That.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Now I’m glad you. Put I’m glad you’re highlight that right, because it is kind of a catch 22, we know that. You don’t always want to put ourselves in uncomfortable situations, right? You know, we’re avoidable suffering. We talk about that, but we also know there’s value in investing in relationships and investing in other people. And even if that is outside of one’s comfort zone, there’s still an inherent value, right? It pays dividends in the long run. And yes, one could be a hermit. But and as an adult, you might have that option as a child. Maybe not so much, right. Yeah, but as an adult, you might have that option to be Herman. But is that what is that what best serves you?
Speaker 2
Yeah.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
It’s like a some extent, it sounds like as best you can learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable to a point because they’re improves your quality of life. But you can also plan ahead. Right to be better prepared.
Speaker
Yeah.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Right. To increase what we call your distressed tolerance, right.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Yeah. Yeah, you. Encapsulated that so well the way that you are. Taking it that I’m like, yes, that’s what it.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
That’s great, yeah. I’m so glad we’re talking about these these strategies, you know, and and normalizing a lot of again, what the stigma is around being neurodivergent and. Well, we would just. Normally call ADD or ADHD or autistic and taking away some of that negative spin to it right. Just this is just another way of being who we are. You know, just means that we it’s like being a left-handed person in the.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Mm-hmm.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Right-handed world, right?
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Yeah.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Person just means that wow, there should be more right-handed, you know, accommodations.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Yeah, yeah, yes.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
The. Yes.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Yes.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Yeah. Or do I hand it? But yeah, absolutely. So wonderful. Wonderful that we’re having this talk and raising awareness. I appreciate you for that.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Yeah. Thank you.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
So we talked a lot about how no divergent person thrives right in light of stress through the the Five’s any other practical targeted tips you would give somebody who struggles with maybe people interaction or even explaining like because I I say this a lot. And working with clients is. I’ll be way explain how much do they disclose to other people in order for the other people to help accommodate them. Right. I think in those nuances really can can increase anxiety or no divergent person. People invite you out. They want you to.
Speaker
Yeah.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Do things. But it’s against your grain. Maybe to that extent like, what is, what are social scripts? Is there something that we teach your clients to use in order to to be diplomatic about it? Should they be diplomatic about it? Sure, they just be direct.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Yeah, that’s a really good question. And there are different scripts that we can learn and we can use to help accommodate ourselves and advocate for ourselves. So that other people can accommodate us. And so it could be, you know. Fully disclosing like, hey, I have ADHD or I’m autistic, you know, or it could be talking about the ways that. ADHD shows up for you and I’ll give an example of that. Or your office 62 show up and how people can accommodate. So for example with ADHD, sometimes people have a hard time maintaining friendships because they might, you know, impulsively interrupt in conversations. You know like. Because it’s like the idea of here, it’s on the tip. Of my tongue.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
But we.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
And so they can say like. His, you know, sometimes when we’re talking, it seems like I’m interrupting you. I promise you, I’m not trying to be rude.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
It’s like it’s like it’s flying away trying to. Grab it right? Yes.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
So excited and into with this conversation. And so, you know, show me a little grace, right.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Ohh likewise.
Speaker 5
Yes.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Yes. For an autistic person, it could be that having multiple conversations going on at once in A room. Is, you know, sensory overload. And so they could say like, hey, you know, it’s hard for me to focus on this conversation when there’s a lot going on around me. And so let’s have a quiet room or it’s hard for me to. You know, feel calm when there’s a lot going on around us. And so when we’re not talking, I’m just going to have my noise cancelling headphones. And so it’s not to tune you out, but it’s to be even more in tune with you and our connection. That’s. How I can best like you know a comment.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Oh, that’s great. And I people really respond. To consideration, when you say to someone. I wanna well I. Hear what you’re saying is very important to me.
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
And I want to give you my undivided attention. Can we go somewhere where it’s a little bit quieter? That goes light years?
Speaker 5
MHM.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
In terms of building quick report with other people, and really that’s at the core right of when we’re talking about some of the social challenges with no divergences, it’s that report building with people that’s sometimes lost on the front end. But you know, you can make up for a lot on the back end once you have a backstage pass.
Speaker 2
Yeah.
Speaker
Yeah.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
You know, speaking to Goffman, once you have like a backstage pass to somebody’s. Life right? When they when they give you that. You know that transparency? You know, they’re already invested in you, but how do you build that rapport? How do you get that upfront investment in people? You do it through respect, right. But if one is socially anxious and one is afraid and they don’t have the words, they don’t know the script or how to you know, how to address this with other people?
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Good.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
They might just in the corner with their headphones and someone else who doesn’t know that person would make assumptions. Oh, they’re antisocial. Ohh, they’re.
Speaker
Yeah.
Speaker 2
Yeah.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
They’re self absorbed. Ohh they don’t wanna, you know. Participate. They’re excluding us. Yeah, exactly right.
Speaker 2
When that’s the case, it all off.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
You know, and So what you’re doing is, you know, finding ways to align with your values. If your value is to be in relationship with others and then also to nurture those relationships. And part of it comes with your own confidence. And that’s part of what I’m, you know. And the troubling grain and, you know, encourage within the online course is building that confidence and starting by affirming that autism and ADHD, they’re not disorders to be cured or removed.
Speaker
Hmm.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
They are not disorders to be cured.
Speaker 2
Or removed or.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Deleted. They are evolutionary adaptations that serve essential functions in our society and in humanity. Essential roles like for civilization.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Mm-hmm.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Much of the dysfunction that we experience is due to having to navigate these environments, so we’re just not designed or built for us. They were built. For the neurotypical brain, how a neurotypical or an analyst like a non autistic person views. The world it’s not because of inherent deficits within us.
Speaker
MHM.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
And so part of you know, the work could also be like remembering that you’re not alone and that you’re differences. Your different brain style, the way that you view the world, the way that you, you know, pursue your special interest. That’s what makes this. World works. That’s what makes this world work. Work.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Ohh, absolutely. And we could, I’m sure make some assumptions and name some names about people who have made incredible contributions to society that has changed the world for the better for everyone.
Speaker
You know. What?
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Just about, you know. Because of their hyper focus, because of their the way they’re wired, right? That’s that’s a.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Earth.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
That’s a blessing.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Yeah.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
That’s a wonderful it’s. A wonderful thing when you can. And. What you’re passionate about, what you’re good at, and then find a way to share that with. With others with. The world right. Isn’t that what we’re all trying?
Speaker 2
Yeah.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
To do anyway, you know.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Yes, it’s some right. It’s, you know, discouraged and you know, depleted of ourselves. But you know, you and I may not win a Nobel Prize for what we’re doing. But how can you impact your corner of the world?
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
That way, right?
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Sisters, Cousins, brothers, friends. You know, colleagues, classmates, how can you impact your corner of the world with showing authentically?
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Absolutely. It’s kind of. You know, like the what’s the meaning to life is to find out what’s meaningful to you. What’s the purpose of life? You know, sharing what’s meaningful on purpose, something of that extent.
Speaker 2
Yeah.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
And I think sometimes when. When we have a social challenge or something that doesn’t quite jive with our environment, right then the the challenge becomes how do we? How do we discover become more of ourselves despite? The environment.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Yes, yes, after me and unapologetically. And they just so hard. It’s so hard because we are conditioned, you know, and I’m speaking specifically to US culture. But we’re conditioned to not break the mold. You know it in and look one way and.
Speaker
Right.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
And act one way and and that’s rewarded. It’s rewarded with promotions, it’s rewarded. With, you know, kind of pat on the back like you know you’ve done a good job, it’s rewarded with social acceptance. You’re part of this in Group versus the out group and so. The outside of that. Is difficult, and once you’re there, it’s so sore. Worth it? So worth it.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Absolutely. So then I I, I would imagine if we’re talking about adults and or diversity.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Hmm.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Thriving.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Mm-hmm.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
To some large extent, if we’re not trying to fit. Into a box. If we’re not trying to necessarily conform right then this seems like the inherent goal would be autonomy.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Yes.
Speaker 4
Hmm.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
How do we become more autonomous so that we can thrive in our own right and not have to stifle or conform, right, or dim our own light?
Speaker
Yes.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Hmm.
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
In order to appease others. I’ll be more accepted. How does that play? And in terms of our approach to life, right, in terms of executive functioning and strategies.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Mm-hmm.
Speaker
So.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Yes.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
How does that conversation go? Typically when you’re when you’re coaching.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Yeah, how can I manage everyday life? Like OK, that’s right. Everything that you’re saying sounds fine and great, but I still need to get to work on time. I still need turn on the turn in this assignment. Right. And so one of the main tips is routine. Create routine instructure and ADHD’s artists. We all do better with routine. You know, but ADHD, or sometimes it’s just like, OK, I need a little variety in my routine, you know. Oh, I’m gonna get bored. You know? So even incorporating some variety but having a routine and a structure, using a planner.
Speaker 2
Mm-hmm.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Whether it be in your phone, like everything is in my Google Calendar, right, or a physical planner. But that’s a thing, you know also you can use tools if you’re in school, like specify or audible for.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Mm-hmm.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
I very hard time. I have a bachelors of First First Generation College graduate, a bachelor’s degree, 3 Masters degree and a PhD. And I had a very hard time getting through any school books very high. So I was 37 like way.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Good. I don’t feel well.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Last graduation that I realized that I made HD right, you know. And so I I I thought it was something wrong with me. But when I got to becoming a professor and listening to books, I’m like, dude, I gotta probably accomplish so much more. If I had these technology assisted devices way back in school. So looking up that there’s something called. Some soma or notion which are like planner apps. There is a Otter where you can.
Speaker
Hmm.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
The translate from like video lectures to actually being able to see it written down. So it’s like a transcription, but then it also categorizes and summarizes it. That’s huge having a place. For everything and everything in its place. Is very important for executive functioning when you.
Speaker
Yes.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Often lose things where they. Are you know? And so the best gifts that I ever got was my Apple Watch because I found several times a day and so.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Mm-hmm.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Thing to help me find my phone. You know, things like that. Using the Pomodoro method, which. Is having an undesirable activity that you need to do so it could be like reading a book or completing an assignment or writing. A report for. Work whatever it is, but you’re using timers, so set 30 minute timer for you to do that activity and then have 10 minutes. Of play time, playtime, right afterwards. And so you’re structuring your pleasurable activity with your undesirable activity and basically you’re training your brain. But actually it’s. Not that bad, and I can get through it. And you’re also giving yourself an immediate dopamine. Lips, using our neurochemicals to help you stay consistent and grounded and be able to complete that activity.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Mm-hmm. Absolutely love that message. Absolutely.
Speaker
It’s.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Speaking of our brains using grounding, using some body based mindfulness practices instead of, you know, trying to like get your mind blank and you know, think of nothing that’s never gonna happen for you.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
I try, I haven’t tried that.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
You know, but I can’t. Use progressive muscle relaxation. Why tighten? Up your muscle group. And then release. Them or I’m thinking about, OK, what are the colors that I see in this room right now? What are all the sensations using all 5 senses? Those grounding techniques? And then finally and I know it’s like a long list of things you guys could waiter.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
No, this is great. This is great.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
So finally allowing for stemming. Walking, pacing, doodling, fidgeting that actually all helps our brains focus better and process information in a more active, efficient way.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Yeah, so stunning. Can you define that? That’s a term I don’t think is is well. Understood.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Yeah. So stemming is self stimulatory behaviors. So it’s usually some sort of body movement where you are like, you know, fidgeting with a object in your hand or you are tapping. Or walking. And when you’re tapping like this. One side of the body than the other, or when you’re walking, pretending this is my feet. One side of the body, then the other. That’s called a bilateral movement. One side of the body than the other. And it actually helps integrate the three main parts of our brain. Our thinking brain with our emotion brain and our body based brain. So that. Again, calming happens, but also enhanced processing and being able to get to the solution for that creative endeavor or the, you know, main. Thesis for the essay that you want to write. It’s a remarkable thing that our bodies naturally do just pace when we’re anxious or walk or we learn this and therapy to do this butterfly. App that helps to calm down and science shows why it helps.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Thank you for sharing that. A lot of these skills we talked about don’t necessarily understand why they. Work. You know, so appreciate that very much wonderful, wonderful tips and a wonderful conversation. And thank you for sharing.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Thing.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Now, for those who want to dive deeper on some of these concepts, you have a new course you’ve rolled out, yes.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
I do, yes, and it is available now at learnthatfacesofhealth.net is for ADHD and autism. And there are 5 modules and it’s really designed for. So basically if. You Scroll down to the bottom of the page. There you click on the ADHD autism course at the bottom of that page you’ll see specifically that course empowerment right there, understanding and so.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Alright, thank you.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
I hadn’t told you yet, Patrick, but I wanted to share that for your viewers. I actually have created a promotion. You can get 20% off the course by using the promo code, mental health toolbox, and that’s good. Now, through April 15th, through Tax Day.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Ohh well that’s fantastic.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Mental health toolbox all one word, all lowercase. Gotcha. You wanna redo that code on the screen or it’s a health tool? Box and so it’s 5 modules and it’s split into videos that are 10 to 15 minutes long. It’s easily digestible. It’s designed for the busy adult learner, and they’re also 3 e-books, so it is adaptable to different styles of learning. Whether it’s audio or visual, or looking at books, all of that is included I talk about. What is it like to get an assessment? What can you expect? What are the diagnostic criteria and modules 3 through 5 is how all, how can I flourish? How can I live with neurodivergence self management skills, executive functioning skills? What are? Whole health and whole person support options, so I am so excited about this. It’s about a year in the making. And yes, I actually have contracted with a college where they are providing this to all their students and yeah. And so as far as like enterprising and licensing that is happening and and that’s available if there are any.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Oh, that’s wonderful.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Listeners who would like this for your entire organization or for your students or your clients, that’s absolutely available as well.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Well, congratulations, Doctor Blair. That is no small feat for anyone who understands what it takes to create a course.
Speaker
Hey.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
I do and I. Know that’s a lot. That’s a lot, let alone branching out and enterprising and all those that back end stuff. I mean, it’s yes, more tools now, but it’s still it’s a whole process and it takes time to do it right. And I I know everything you touched Doctor Blight has done with love and and care and I’m sure anyone who takes this will see that. So thank you again for the wonderful work you’re doing in this field and.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
You’re welcome.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
I’ll be sure to link. Up to that in the description, the show notes. On the blog. And yeah. Wonderful stuff.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
The opportunity to share this with your audience, this is I’m just so grateful. I’m so humbled and so grateful.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Ohh of course. Yeah, well, there’s a lot to have you on. And. Share the work you’re doing and of course, being our resident expert, you’re always welcome back on. So things are going.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
And next time we’ll. Have to do in person live that’s.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Yes, yes, we were talking about that. And if it wasn’t. So tight today I would have just because we’re only like 10 miles. Apart. Go figure. I ordered a zoom recorder so we can do a a light setup so I don’t have to bring my whole studio with. Me. Unplug everything and so I’ll bring the zoom recorder. Maybe I’ll use my smartphone. Keep it light. Keep it. Done. And we’ll do a in person recording. That’ll be fun. Maybe do a tour of your office there. And for any of our locals watching, listening, you know, kind of thing. Yeah.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Perfect.
Speaker
I guess.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Then you’ll get.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
What, Jim? What a gym you are here. In the San Gabriel Valley.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Most people are really surprised that they meet me because I’m 6 feet tall.
Speaker
Ohh well.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
No, I didn’t think you were. I’m like, yeah.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
I’m 55, so I’ll be looking.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Ohh well just adjust our.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Yeah.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
There you go.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
Pillows not working. Thank you, Doctor blight. As always, for all of your your willingness to share and and the work you’re doing. So. I wish you much success with your new new course in the launch, and I’m sure you’ll it’ll be great so.
DR. MONICA BLIED, PH.D.
Thank you. Bye everyone.
PATRICK MARTIN LCSW
You for that. Hi everyone you have a great week. Take care. Hey, if you’re getting value from this content and you haven’t done so already, be sure to like and subscribe to the YouTube channel and podcast and be sure to subscribe to the MHT newsletter. That way you don’t miss out on any new content as it’s released links in the description.
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